Big ones, small ones, some as big as your head…

Boobs come in all different shapes and sizes. Some of us are happy with what we’ve got and some of us are not. I fall into the latter of these two categories and have always been self conscious and dissatisfied with my small breasts. Tomorrow I am doing something about it, I am going to the Spire hospital in Manchester for a breast augmentation. This is something that I have wanted since my teens, but have only just plucked up the courage to forget about what other people think and do something that will make ME happy and feel confident in my own skin.

I’m sure there will be other women out there who have felt like me, or are dissatisfied with their boobs for reasons such as shape, size or volume after breast feeding and having children. With that, I thought I would sit down and type out my honest thoughts on my boobs – or lack of – and my experiences over the years that have led to my surgery date tomorrow. I know not everyone agrees with plastic surgery, so this post may not be for you, but if it is and you would also like for me to share my experience across my social channels, then let me know if you have any questions you want me to answer.

In a weird kind of way I find writing personal posts rather therapeutic. If this is something you would like to see more of, to get to know me a bit better, I would love to know. If not, writing out my thoughts just feels like a good way of letting go…

FEELINGS TOWARDS MY BOOBS

I hate them.

Going back to the beginning, here’s 5 reasons why…

1. BEING TEASED FOR HAVING NO BOOBS

I have always hated my breasts. I remember being the only girl at school with no boobs, so I would stuff my unneeded triangle bra with toilet paper and cover myself when getting changed for PE. I didn’t develop like the other girls did and I was waiting desperately for them to grow. I didn’t start my periods until I was 16/17, so just thought that I was a late bloomer: apparently I’m not. I am 31 and my boobs still haven’t arrived, so I don’t think they will be growing anytime soon.

Fast forward from high school to university and this is where the teasing began. Boys really can be horrible little s**** (excuse my language, I am obviously still traumatised by these years) and competing with gorgeous girls at university and high school was always a drag. Boys sitting around talking about who is the fittest, a conversation I was never a part of. I know these things are trivial now, but at 13+ they really do have a impressional knock on your confidence, whether you realise it or not.

2. FEELING MANLY

Over the years I have been called out for having no tits, pointed and laughed at in a bikini and called a man or transvestite on numerous occasions, with the word ‘shim’ being a common noun. If I am being truly honest I have never felt feminine and always feel ‘manly’, which is something I try to shake at the best of times, but the years of comments have obviously been engrained in my physce. Which, admittedly I am even getting upset and annoyed at myself for whilst writing this post. F them. All the people who ever made me feel unworthy and ‘not normal’. I wish I was a stronger person to not let the past effect me but it clearly has. Talking about it feels good though, so in some sick way this essay on my boobs may actually help declutter my mental health.

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3. BRAS & CLOTHES DON’T FIT ME

I have tried everything from padded bras to chicken fillets. They either fall out, are a pain in the a*** or look noticeably fake – I realise I am saying this and getting ‘fake’ boobs permanently attached to me, but in my eyes it isn’t the same. They will be a part of me –  I have never been measured for a bra out of embarrassment and feeling: ‘What is the point when I don’t have any?’ All I know is that a AA kind of fits.

Meaning I have never filled a fancy bra properly, have one boob bigger than the other and often find I can’t fit into dresses and other clothes, as I don’t fill them out in the chest department. I felt my cr**iest about this when I got married. Every dress I tried on fit on the hips and waist and was gaping on my chest. On the big day I had cups sewn in plus stick on chicken fillets and still didn’t fit my dress properly, even though it had been altered. You’re meant to feel amazing on your wedding day. I didn’t.

4. MY BODY ISN’T IN PROPORTION

I know this sounds ridiculous but I hate how I look with no clothes on. I don’t feel womanly, I feel like a little boy with nipples. I get a twinge of hate for my boobs never growing if I ever glance in the mirror topless – which is a very rare occasion. I am not in proportion, as I have quite an athletic figure. So it has always been my goal to have boobs that look good with my body, not too big, not too small, just right.

One of my boobs is also smaller than the other. That bothers me. I know that is common but at least my left boob half looks like a breast, whereas my right on has no fullness whatsoever and just looks lifeless. Now that I am into my fitness more, when I wear a sports bra I feel straight down from my neck to my hips, which I also hate. I never feel confident in the gym and it affects which workouts and machines I use. Same with swimwear. I may look like I am happy with what I have in Instagram photos, but trust me, that is far from the truth.

5. WHY GET FAKE BOOBS NOW?

I am not saying that anything is wrong with small boobs. I think they look great on other people, are feminine and fashionable. But, I am just not happy with my chest and never have been. I have been contemplating this operation for well over 10 years now. I have either put it off over surgery fears, fears of what others will think and also finances come into play too. Since hitting 30 I seem to of had an epiphany where I don’t give as much of a f*** about what other people think. Its my life so I should live it how I want and if boobs will make me happier, then why not do it. It is for the right reasons, myself and no one else.

If I am going to add even more honesty to this post, after getting my nose done (also putting that off for similar reasons) it has given me more confidence in cosmetic surgery and my expectations of how people will react to it. At the start off this year I also found out –  after numerous tests and being prodded and poked – that I may not be able to have children (but that is a whole other story) and I always thought I would wait until after childbirth to get my boobs done. But why keep putting it off for something that may never happen. I am now more about living in the present, no regrets. I regret not getting it done 10 years ago, so I am definitely making sure I don’t regret it now.

It is never too late to do or go for something that will make you happy. Age is just a number so you do you!

Sorry if today’s lengthy post isn’t your thing. I just wanted to give you guys more of an insight into my life and what goes on in my crazy head. I know there is a lot of talk – especially on Love Island – about cosmetic surgery and how it is a bad influence on young girls. I wanted the work doing before social media was even around, so I don’t think it should get as much bad press as it does. Also, people need to be mindful that they don’t know the motives behind surgery. But again, that is whole other pot to dip into that I don’t really feel comfortable talking anymore about. But I hope this post has not offended anyone. As it definitely wasn’t intended!

I will be covering my boob job journey on my Instagram stories – @charlottebuttrick – and probably my YouTube channel. So if you have any questions you want me to cover just let me know 🙂 Thanks for reading huns and I will see you  on the other side: goodbye old boobs! xx